To Slight 和其他英语牛叉的人。

帮忙看看这个文章有问题没，有错误没？


September 29, 2007

　　

To Whom It May Concern:


I am pleased to write this letter for this student Miss__.

As I am the teacher of her clay sculpture classes for four years, I can say she appears quite gifted, Since classes I teach are mainly concerned in the modeling ability of students, I remember her as one of the best students who had the ability to understand what is sculpture earlier than the others when they first came to this department, As I said to them on the first class: contemporary art is not only depend on the idea but the control ability of the whole work just as in the cause of modeling, she seemed quite understanding on this at her study, and did good works. Additionally, her work on modeling is basically between classicalism and realism, as I saw her portfolio did not contain for the reason of unify.

She is quite good on her major, I mean not only on the modeling practice, but also on the understanding of concept, When I was teaching The Comparison of Artists' Works about three years before her graduation, which need their own judgement on the various art works, I found she already had a deep perception on quite most artists' works, by books like FRESH CREAM, ART NOW, etc. I think that, the precedence of understanding contemporary art makes her a precocious young artist, which we, teachers, call after "juvenile artists" as humor. Further more, as she doing her classwork of The Combination of Materials and Ideas, which Zhan Wang, Jiang Jie and I taught together, we found she has the ability to have series of ideas, which is quite different from those who only make works by their habits or interests, and do not have abilities to control or choose. These, what I mentioned above, were all appear as her action in her first successful group exhibition when she was in grade four, with other artists who are almost ten year older than her, one year before her graduation. Resumptively, she is a kind of student I like, having the ability of idea explosion in head and the ability to gather the smoke together.

I think these two qualities: a pair of precise hands and a clear head are just great for her art future. And what I am still looking for is her excellent action in SAIC. She would prove herself to be an magnificent young artist.

I sincerely and whole heartily recommend her for admission to your school.

　　                                                                                                   
                                                                                 Sincerely yours,                       

　　
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　                  Director of Concept/Materials

推荐信啊。我这里有大把的模版。。。

不过校对就是我最不擅长的了。

老实说我觉得很不好，按我意思是没法改，重写把。

问题最大的就是

1，结构。介绍你的那部分太冗长，是一句话就可以概括的东西。第一句话就不对味道，对谁pleased阿？其他介绍也基本是这样，老写不到重点

2。用词非常不书面。这完全是聊天的口气在写推荐信。

哎？？好吧，重写。

September 29, 2007



To Whom It May Concern:

It's quite glad for me to introduce my student XX for SAIC.

XX is one of the student in the "Concept and Material Studio" which I taught  in sculpture department, since 2003-2006 .
It is no doubt that her scores in her major is quite high; as I remember she got all her scores from 90 to 95 which is of cause means A in her major in later semester in her forth degree. Additionally, she is the best student when sculpture department choose student from the First-year Foundation Program, which was instituted in 2000 to provide a foundation level of study to all first year CAFA students.

In her past three years study process, I realize her enthusiasm to art. She shows her art sensitivity of the Contemporary Art as early as just get into my studio in 2003. In the later department displays and exhibitions outside, she presents a personal and systematized understanding to art, and creates serialized works which considered to be bright and also unique.

She dabbled in performance art circle in an quit early age. As her first group exhibition as "Fakefeeble-ism" in the spring of 2005, she shows her work with famous artists such as Zhu Yu, who is well known as his  eating dead baby, and selling human brain in the supermarket. He and his friend group picked XX as a young artist from all the student I taught, to act as a member of them. She finally appeared that it was a right choosing; she then shows  her "The Left Earlobe" in this exhibition "Fakefeeble-ism".

After her success in "Fakefeeble-ism" in her forth grade, She rapidly be advanced into the Chinese Contemporary art circle in such a young age. Together with other well-known artists, she plays an important constituent in "Inward Gaze - Documentaries of Chinese Performance Art" which take place in The Macao Museum of Art, Her work was presented with works of Cang Xin, Zhu Ming, Song Yongping and so on. Her exiting actions show her instinct in art.

In all of these points, as her teacher, I deeply feels gratified. I am extremely glad to introduce this illustriously young artist to come to study in Chicago art academy, for her dream of art.




                                                                                                   Sincerely yours,

                           
                                                                                                  Director of Concept/Materials

怎样算用词书面呢？？
看来这个境界不是一日两日能做到的。

另外：先看看上面这个吧，我实在想不出如何说到以及什么样算是重点，上面这篇里的算重点么？

好一点，如果你不会用书面语的表达方式，那么尽可能地减少过于口语的感觉吧。有一些语法和用词错误。

ok，果然有错词，明白了。。。。多谢！